# Married People



## babnoy (Feb 4, 2004)

Are you Married? Did you already had an affair with someone before? What made you do it?


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## airtorey15 (Jun 15, 2003)

aint married. I'm 15.


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## ChosenOne22 (Nov 23, 2003)

i havent done it but i would preseum the interest is gone. or life is boring and they would want to to find excitement in running and hiding.


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## Rigger (May 1, 2004)

i am not married but i have been with a few married women ... what they seem to say when we talk is that there spouses are jelous and controling and this goes on for some time ... they seem to want some sort of comforting with emotional conection not just sex in my opinion ... why do you ask this ?


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## slylie (Oct 21, 2003)

i think some people cheat in marriage because

1. things arent going well, they regret getting married and are looking for someone to rescue them.

2. they are cheaters and get a kick out of the danger and excitement in an affair, yet want to stay in their marriage.


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## tramca (Jul 17, 2003)

Maybe the husbands are controlling and jealous cos they have beautiful but flirtatious wives who cannot control themselves.

I have been with my "hubby" for 14 yrs. I see no need to stray, I have everything I want at home. And so does he. I have gained a considerable amount of weight since we met, and I know he would like me to lose weight, but he doesn't pursue the issue. He still loves me. I have a croc of a personality, so I am blessed to have him. We talk a lot and he too has no need to stray. I believe if you are not happy in your relationship, then end it and find another one. Or at least find a man/woman who is into swinging and have your cake and eat it.

Sorry, my tuppence worth....


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

wow... if you dont lose weight... other women are gonna start looking good...

remember, MEN are 80% physical.... 20% the other crap...


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## sweet lu (Oct 3, 2003)

i thought it was 45% looks, 45% sex, and then 10% other crap :rock:


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> wow... if you dont lose weight... other women are gonna start looking good...


Not if he's a real man and loves her. I've gone in the opposite direction...I've lost weight since we've met, but my b/f has gained some. Though I would like to see him lose it, I would never, ever cheat on him because of it. I love him too much for that. I believe that women are generally just as bad as you describe men to be, we just aren't as obvious about it.

If you truly love someone, they you owe it to them to be honest about everything that goes on in your mind.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

looks are VERY important to men... you can say whatever you want... that is the truth...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> looks are VERY important to men... you can say whatever you want... that is the truth...


 Wait til you get older and see if that idealogy still holds true.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

I believe that you are the youngest one here ms nat...


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> looks are VERY important to men... you can say whatever you want... that is the truth...


Well, maybe to some, but not all. Not all people are the same and have the same ideals...that's what makes us different and human. Someone that bases relationships on looks alone is a very shallow individual indeed and is missing the entire picture...and maybe some important things in life. To me, breaking up with someone or cheating because they gain a couple pounds is a horrible thing to do. That means that you never loved the _person_ in the first place. Real relationships are based on multiple levels, not only the level of appearance. My b/f of five years and I are connected in every way possible. When you can find someone that meshes with you on a spiritual level (no, I don't mean religion), then looks become less important. I'm lucky that I have someone that is attractive to me (and apparently other girls), but I would never leave him over that reason.

Basing things on looks seems to be a stage that most people go through as juveniles. Some never grow out of it and usually end up never having a powerful connection with anyone. That's a very lonely way to live life. You can have all the sex you want with gorgeous people, but it's not the same until you can find that one person that strokes your very soul. Find that person and you will never think about leaving or straying.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

sweet lu said:


> i thought it was 45% looks, 45% sex, and then 10% other crap :rock:


yeah... probably true... so lets group it... 90% looks/sex and 10% other BS...


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > looks are VERY important to men... you can say whatever you want... that is the truth...
> ...


 you sound like a 17 year old girl wishing to be loved...


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Um, no, I'm a 23 year old woman that's in a five year relationship with a 24 year old man. We live together and have been for over a year now. I'm a highly spiritual person (Wiccan). Here's a passage from one of my favorite books:

_From our perspective [pagans in general], one cannot truly honor the sacred immanence of the world without honoring its cycles. The wheel of the year, its greatest cycle, is the cycle of life and death, and central to the cycle of life and death is sex, its energy, its mystery, its beauty, its creativity. It is the most profound and most frightening challenge to all who would divorce Spirit from body, for it is the strongest expresssion of Spirit through body.

Sexuality is not love. The two can exist separately from one another. Love comes in many forms, all characterized by caring for the other as being intrinsically of great value to be treasured and honored, but I believe there is no greater blessing in earthly existence than the union of sexuality and love. _
-----Gus DiZerega, Ph.D.

Here's a quote from D. H. Lawrence:

_Only in the conjunction of man and woman has love kept a duality of meaning. Sacred love and profane love, they are opposed, and yet they are both love. The love between man and woman is the greatest and most complete passion the world will ever see, because it is dual, because it is of two opposing kinds...

Sacred love is selfless, seeking not its own. The lover serves his beloved and seeks perfect communion of oneness with her. But whole love between man and woman is sacred and profane together. Profane love seeks its own...

But the love between man and woman, when it is whole, is dual. It is melting into pure communion, and it is the friction of sheer sensuality, both. In pure communion I become whole in love. And in pure, fierce passion of sensuality I am burned in essentiality._

Now, before anyone says that I'm trying to turn this into a discussion on religion, let me say that I am definately not. The above passages can be applied to anyone. This discussion is about marriage and long-term relationships, which are usually (hopefully) based on love. That is what I'm talking about. Casual sex has no place in my argument.

You say that I sound like a young girl looking for love. Well, you sound like an immature boy that hasn't ever been in love. You sound like someone that looks at Maxim and Playboy and thinks that is real. I'm not saying that there's a problem with that, but it isn't real. With that attitude, you will probably never find love. I hope for your sake that you mature or at least realize that looks are not the meaning of everything. The movie "Shallow Hal" comes to mind...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> I believe that you are the youngest one here ms nat...


 Age isnt of the essence here. Ive experienced a lot in my life to form the views I have today.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Wiccan.... OH GAD!!!! is that a nice word for a witch??

i dont think the one boyfriend that you have had justifies "experience"


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> Wiccan.... OH GAD!!!! is that a nice word for a witch??
> 
> i dont think the one boyfriend that you have had justifies "experience"


Your ignorance shows...learn a little more about life before you say such things about people you don't know. I'm hardly what you would picture from what Hollywood portrays...anyways, I've already said that my religious beliefs have nothing do do with this discussion...the above passages can be applied to any situation where real love is involved.


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

BTW, may I ask, how many long term relationships have you been in?


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

what does hollywood portray ???

i was just asking if you were a witch... nothing negative about that...


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> what does hollywood portray ???
> 
> i was just asking if you were a witch... nothing negative about that...


Idiotic movies like "The Craft" come to mind and you have an odd way of asking in a non-negative way...GAD!!!!

If you are interested in learning more on the way I think just do a search for some of the threads on religion...I don't want to derail this valid thread.


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

how old is Ms.NATT?


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

I meant no offense...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

P.Piraya said:


> how old is Ms.NATT?


 Old enough.


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

what exactly is enough


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

P.Piraya said:


> what exactly is enough


 Take a wild guess.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

SO... to recap... men only want HOT CHICKS... the end!

DONT GET MARRIED and gain weight... its not fair to your spouse!!!


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> SO... to recap... men only want HOT CHICKS... the end!
> 
> DONT GET MARRIED and gain weight... its not fair to your spouse!!!


 Then you dont gain weight...its not fair to your spouse!


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

80


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > SO... to recap... men only want HOT CHICKS... the end!
> ...


 yeah... now im REALLY curious about your age...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Yeah Im 80 years old :laugh:


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

no one should be ashamed of there age.just come out with it.


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Why does it matter how old I am? Can my opinions not be respected unless I am of a certain age?


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

not at all.it really isn't that big of a deal.i am just curious.i am only 15.you see,that wasn't to hard.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

yeah and I am 12... see its not that bad...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> yeah and I am 12... see its not that bad...


 Yeah right...according to your profile your 24 next month.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

hey... i can be 12 and lie about being 24... eh, eh, eh??


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Men often cheat because their natural instinctive drive is to establish territories and inseminate as many females as possible. If you look at most mammals, the males are usually polygomous(correct me if I'm wrong). That is why you hear married guys at bars saying: "I need some new p*ssy." Of course, we have the potential to bond with one mate, but that requires a very high sense of morality, whether it be from religion or whatever. If men do not have the belief that their actions bring consequences, they will always have the potential to cheat. The women I know that have cheated were usually very me-oriented or were with the wrong person to begin with and sought out someone to fill the void.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Fargo said:


> Men often cheat because their natural instinctive drive is to establish territories and inseminate as many females as possible. If you look at most mammals, the males are usually polygomous(correct me if I'm wrong). That is why you hear married guys at bars saying: "I need some new p*ssy." Of course, we have the potential to bond with one mate, but that requires a very high sense of morality, whether it be from religion or whatever. If men do not have the belief that their actions bring consequences, they will always have the potential to cheat. The women I know that have cheated were usually very me-oriented or were with the wrong person to begin with and sought out someone to fill the void.


 wow... now that is an educated person...

i like that theory... makes alot of sense...


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

why do married people cheat ? Maybe, just maybe, we as humans are not really meant to be with just one person till the end of our days..What's wrong with requiring variety ? Society puts a pressure on people to get married and have a family but these days everyone is more liberated - and look at the enourmous divorce rate. ..


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

Fargo said:


> Men often cheat because their natural instinctive drive is to establish territories and inseminate as many females as possible. If you look at most mammals, the males are usually polygomous(correct me if I'm wrong). That is why you hear married guys at bars saying: "I need some new p*ssy." Of course, we have the potential to bond with one mate, but that requires a very high sense of morality, whether it be from religion or whatever. If men do not have the belief that their actions bring consequences, they will always have the potential to cheat. The women I know that have cheated were usually very me-oriented or were with the wrong person to begin with and sought out someone to fill the void.


 Agreed, one point to consider though is that studies have shown that women actually have more of a desire to play the field, so to speak, than men...


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Jewelz said:


> why do married people cheat ? Maybe, just maybe, we as humans are not really meant to be with just one person till the end of our days..What's wrong with requiring variety ? Society puts a pressure on people to get married and have a family but these days everyone is more liberated - and look at the enourmous divorce rate. Ironic thing is I just got back from my college roommate's wedding reception. He's getting married at 24 to his first ever serious relationship. My feeling is he's going to regret it, but maybe not..


 my friend is also getting married right out of college...









he wont listen to me...









I hope things work out... but he is always looking at Hos because his girl is kinda fat...


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> Jewelz said:
> 
> 
> > why do married people cheat ? Maybe, just maybe, we as humans are not really meant to be with just one person till the end of our days..What's wrong with requiring variety ? Society puts a pressure on people to get married and have a family but these days everyone is more liberated - and look at the enourmous divorce rate. Ironic thing is I just got back from my college roommate's wedding reception. He's getting married at 24 to his first ever serious relationship. My feeling is he's going to regret it, but maybe not..
> ...


..


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

think of it like this.we are animals.even more exact mammals.every mammal has sex with another mates.we humans have made stupid things like feelings,and so fort get in the way.our natural senses tell us to go bang a chick when they are bending over.now how is that for an educated person.


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## thePACK (Jan 3, 2003)

P.Piraya said:


> think of it like this.we are animals.even more exact mammals.every mammal has sex with another mates.we humans have made stupid things like feelings,and so fort get in the way.our natural senses tell us to go bang a chick when they are bending over.now how is that for an educated person.


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> my friend is also getting married right out of college...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Jewelz said:


> Fargo said:
> 
> 
> > Men often cheat because their natural instinctive drive is to establish territories and inseminate as many females as possible. If you look at most mammals, the males are usually polygomous(correct me if I'm wrong). That is why you hear married guys at bars saying: "I need some new p*ssy." Of course, we have the potential to bond with one mate, but that requires a very high sense of morality, whether it be from religion or whatever. If men do not have the belief that their actions bring consequences, they will always have the potential to cheat. The women I know that have cheated were usually very me-oriented or were with the wrong person to begin with and sought out someone to fill the void.
> ...


 All right, we need female input on this. Please be honest.


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

thank you the pack you just made me blush


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

Fargo said:


> All right, we need female input on this. Please be honest.


 I don't know about you, but I am through listening to females on this subject. I watch what women do and ignore what they say... usually tends to be the opposite


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

damn... that is toooooo true... at least for the most part


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Fargo said:


> Men often cheat because their natural instinctive drive is to establish territories and inseminate as many females as possible. If you look at most mammals, the males are usually polygomous(correct me if I'm wrong). That is why you hear married guys at bars saying: "I need some new p*ssy." Of course, we have the potential to bond with one mate, but that requires a very high sense of morality, whether it be from religion or whatever. If men do not have the belief that their actions bring consequences, they will always have the potential to cheat. The women I know that have cheated were usually very me-oriented or were with the wrong person to begin with and sought out someone to fill the void.


 Point taken...but consider this...we are animals, but the thing that keeps us separate is that we are self-aware. Animals live largely by the moment and do not think about the future. Their purpose in life is to live, eat, breed, and die. Here's a good quote from DiZerega..."In our greater self-awareness we have separated from them, and often suffer from our inabliblity to maintain a similar spontaneity within a human context without long and disciplined effort. That very self-awareness that so easily separates us from living in the beauty of the moment also deepens our capacity for love. If self-awareness was our peculiarly human fall, it was also our rise. Self-awareness is a necessary element in the development of a loving awareness of others as unique beings. Our awareness of self, and of a depth to self, brings with it awareness of other selves, and of similar depths on their part. It make possible a differentiated and reciprocated love between individuated beings."


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

we have changed so much from the cave man era.how the hell did that happen?sometimes i don't know why i can't bang my principal


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

I think "awareness of self" is not natural...It's like trying to watch your own eyes..

We cannot find any self apart from the mind, and we cannot find any mind apart from those very experiences which the mind - now vanished - was trying to grasp (Alan Watts)


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

i think the ability to reason often hurts us. People feel that they can do better... whether its a female wanting a man who earns a higher income... or a man wanting a younger, more attractive girl.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

P.Piraya said:


> we have changed so much from the cave man era.how the hell did that happen?sometimes i don't know why i can't bang my principal


 is she hot?


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> i think the ability to reason often hurts us. People feel that they can do better... whether its a female wanting a man who earns a higher income... or a man wanting a younger, more attractive girl.


 That's not self-awareness...that's greed, but that's a whole other discussion in and of itself...


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

what have you learned from this thread.that men are more physical than the other crap.she has the biggest most jelliest ass, you won't find any where else.


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Jewelz said:


> I think "awareness of self" is not natural...It's like trying to watch your own eyes..


 Self-awareness is natural. If it's not man-made, then it came about from nature. That's what evolution is all about. We have evolved into self-aware beings...setting us apart from all other animals.


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

P.Piraya said:


> what have you learned from this thread.that men are more physical than the other crap.she has the biggest most jelliest ass, you won't find any where else.


 Your sentence makes no sense...


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Jewelz said:


> Fargo said:
> 
> 
> > All right, we need female input on this. Please be honest.
> ...


 I'll probably get blasted for this, but IME women don't fare well when faced with a quick decision. They often are naive as well when it comes to a guy's real intentions. So the guy lures them into a cheating situation, and the girl, faced with a quick decision, can't say no. Many guys feel this way and become controling over when and where their woman goes out.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > i think the ability to reason often hurts us. People feel that they can do better... whether its a female wanting a man who earns a higher income... or a man wanting a younger, more attractive girl.
> ...


 is that greed? Re-analyze it... if you thot that way... going to college is greed...


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Fargo said:


> Jewelz said:
> 
> 
> > Fargo said:
> ...


 i agree 100%...


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> dracofish said:
> 
> 
> > Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> ...


 How is going to college greed? That's doing something by yourself for yourself...not choosing to find someone that makes money so you don't have to do something for yourself...


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

dracofish said:


> Jewelz said:
> 
> 
> > I think "awareness of self" is not natural...It's like trying to watch your own eyes..
> ...


It came from humans worrying too much when they need to leave their mind alone. Any "self" implies an ego and a divided mind.

Another passage from Alan Watts:

While the notion that I am separate from my experience remains, there is confusion and turmoil. Beause of this, there is neither awareness nor understanding of the experience, and thus no real possibility of assimilating it. To understand this moment I must not try to be divided from it; I must be aware of it with my whole being. This, like refraining from holding my breath for ten minutes, is not something I should do. In reality, it is the only thing I can do. Everything else is the insanity of attempting the impossible.

To understand music, you must listen to it. But so long as you are thinking "I am listening to this music" you are not listening


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > dracofish said:
> ...


 earning a rich man is done by yourself also... if you are hot...


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> dracofish said:
> 
> 
> > Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> ...


 Wow, that statement shows a lot of insight...


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

my sentence makes much too much sense indeed.


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Draco-
No use trying to have an educational discussion when all the guys that have been replying thus far are thinking only with their head...and I dont mean the one on their shoulders.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

neither are greed... its natural selection...


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> Draco-
> No use trying to have an educational discussion when all the guys that have been replying thus far are thinking only with their head...and I dont mean the one on their shoulders.


 Hey !

I resemble that comment


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Ms. nat... you dont know what you are talking about... that is too bad..


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Jewelz said:


> To understand music, you must listen to it. But so long as you are thinking "I am listening to this music" you are not listening


 That is a good point, and the same goes for playing music. The best players lose all sense of opposition between themselves and the music. They becomes the music, which is why they have a hard time explaining to others what they do. But what is the relation of self-awareness to cheating?


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Jewelz said:


> Ms_Nattereri said:
> 
> 
> > Draco-
> ...


 I know you do







Must be true


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## P.Piraya (May 12, 2003)

i got a feeling that Ms.Natt is one of those abnoxious,smart girls.she will respond with full wittyness.if you know what i mean.


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

Fargo said:


> Jewelz said:
> 
> 
> > To understand music, you must listen to it. But so long as you are thinking "I am listening to this music" you are not listening
> ...


 I was debuting draco's point that self-awareness is something that's natural. I think it's a learned thing, and it comes from worrying..
because when you see things clear - there is no "self"


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> Draco-
> No use trying to have an educational discussion when all the guys that have been replying thus far are thinking only with their head...and I dont mean the one on their shoulders.


 Then give an honest point of view why girls cheat.


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Jewelz said:


> dracofish said:
> 
> 
> > Jewelz said:
> ...


 That's where our beliefs differ. I agree to disagree. I believe that self-awareness is a gift to use on our path to enlightenment, not a result of a human flaw. Being self-aware does not have to be egoism. Another quote from DiZerega:

_To have a self is to have a self-interest. To act in my future self-interest requires me to have a conception of my future self, which does not yet exist. It is my capacity for empathy with others that enables me to identify with this future self, because from my present perspective this anticipated future self is an "other." Without my capacity to put myself in the place of another I could never overcome the temptation to seek immediate gratification at the expense of my long-term well-being, because the temptation is always for seeking pleasure now. Future pain, after all, will not come to the "me" with which I identify. However, if I can empathize with my future self, that is, if I can project myself into an experience that is not happening to me, but which might, I can refrain from that temptation. Every student doing homework today to avoid embarrassment tomorrow accomplishes this.

The same empathetic capacity that helps me act for my own long-term well-being enables me to identify with other selves. From empathy and understanding the uniquely human love of individuality can grow, both for myself and for others. _


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

draco made a point...









i better reread the thread...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Fargo said:


> Ms_Nattereri said:
> 
> 
> > Draco-
> ...


 I cant tell you because I would never cheat on my S.O.

However, Im sure there are many pending variables as to what would lead them to cheat.


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

dracofish said:


> That's where our beliefs differ. I agree to disagree. I believe that self-awareness is a gift to use on our path to enlightenment, not a result of a human flaw. Being self-aware does not have to be egoism. Another quote from DiZerega:
> 
> _To have a self is to have a self-interest. To act in my future self-interest requires me to have a conception of my future self, which does not yet exist. It is my capacity for empathy with others that enables me to identify with this future self, because from my present perspective this anticipated future self is an "other." Without my capacity to put myself in the place of another I could never overcome the temptation to seek immediate gratification at the expense of my long-term well-being, because the temptation is always for seeking pleasure now. Future pain, after all, will not come to the "me" with which I identify. However, if I can empathize with my future self, that is, if I can project myself into an experience that is not happening to me, but which might, I can refrain from that temptation. Every student doing homework today to avoid embarrassment tomorrow accomplishes this.
> 
> The same empathetic capacity that helps me act for my own long-term well-being enables me to identify with other selves. From empathy and understanding the uniquely human love of individuality can grow, both for myself and for others. _


what stuff !!!!

I disagree so much with this, it's not even funny..living for the unknown future, thinking in terms of "self"..If I had time or desire right now I could write pages on why this is detrimental.. The only thing will say is I genuinely believe that we are meant to live in the moment, this moment we are experiencing right now is all we know and is all that matters.. Living for tomorrow that never comes does not work because the future is always a mystery, we only live in the present

but we are getting off the subject here. I guess we will have to agree to disagree


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

yes... there may be no future at all... its all assumed...


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> yes... there may be no future at all... its all assumed...


 there is a future but nobody EVER lives in the future, you can only live in the present

do you disagree ?


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

I completely agree... some would argue that your whole life depends on the future...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

I like to plan for the future while living in the present


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

but to get back to the main topic... i would say most people cheat because they married too young... or can do better, but didnt find out till later...


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> I like to plan for the future while living in the present


not what he is talking about...


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## 94NDTA (Jul 14, 2003)

I know a lot of girls who will cheat because of physical attraction. I know more girls that have done it than guys. It mostly stems from the signifcant other gaining weight which is sad. I would understand that the person would try to help the other if it reached the point where it became unhealthy though, not leave them for another person.


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## thoroughbred (Mar 14, 2003)

im married and havent cheated on my wife and dont plan on it dont get me wrong i am the "toffee pimp" and damn good looking matter of fact im handsome as hell lol and get approached alot but i turn them down and its not easy cause my wife is hot but alot of girls are hott and just want u to bang them knowing ur married,but i think of 1 thing and that gets me through it............... IS THIS 1 PIECE OF GOOD ASS OR THIS MIND BLOWING BLOWJOB WORTH UR WIFE FINDING OUT AND DESTROYING UR LIFE AS U KNOW IT? and since i answer no everytime i bid adue and keep moving


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

youre a good man...!!!

at least you know the way it is... i praise you!


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

thoroughbred said:


> im married and havent cheated on my wife and dont plan on it dont get me wrong i am the "toffee pimp" and damn good looking matter of fact im handsome as hell lol and get approached alot but i turn them down and its not easy cause my wife is hot but alot of girls are hott and just want u to bang them knowing ur married,but i think of 1 thing and that gets me through it............... IS THIS 1 PIECE OF GOOD ASS OR THIS MIND BLOWING BLOWJOB WORTH UR WIFE FINDING OUT AND DESTROYING UR LIFE AS U KNOW IT? and since i answer no everytime i bid adue and keep moving


This supports my argument of us being self-aware beings and making descisions based on the possiblities of the future...









If he were to live with the moment, he would go with the instant gratification and bang those chicks...but since he's self-aware, he considered the situation beforehand...


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

also goes with my theory... the only thing that he sees in those hos is looks... BUT... HIS WIFE IS HOT too... if she wasnt... he would have hit some of those hos...


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> also goes with my theory... the only thing that he sees in those hos is looks... BUT... HIS WIFE IS HOT too... if she wasnt... he would have hit some of those hos...


 So if his wife wasn't hot, you believe he'd be willing to "destroy" his life as he knows it.


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## thoroughbred (Mar 14, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> also goes with my theory... the only thing that he sees in those hos is looks... BUT... HIS WIFE IS HOT too... if she wasnt... he would have hit some of those hos...


 thats an oxymoron the toffee pimp not marrying a hot woman? lmao that just cant happen lol


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Fargo said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > also goes with my theory... the only thing that he sees in those hos is looks... BUT... HIS WIFE IS HOT too... if she wasnt... he would have hit some of those hos...
> ...


 maybe not intentionally destroy it... but those girls would look MUCH better and... he would be much more of a risk taker... that is the bottom line...

Shhhiiit i know i would...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> Fargo said:
> 
> 
> > Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> ...


 Are you really this cold hearted in life?


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

this has nothing to do with cold hearted... just facts...

see... reason men cheat is because they love their wives...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> this has nothing to do with cold hearted... just facts...
> 
> see... reason men cheat is because they love their wives...


 If men loved their wives they wouldNT cheat.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

if they love their wives... they cheat in order to stay with her... and try something else...

see.. the "other girl" never matters to a guy. Usually he loves his wife, which is the reason he cheats instead of just leaving her (there may be financial reasons in some cases)... he just has a "physical" desire to be with another girl... has nothing to do with love at all...

sometimes he will never talk to the "other" woman again after that...

if a guy cheats... he is counting on his wife never finding out... too bad that usually doesnt come out that way... and the wife leaves him anyways...


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

thoroughbred said:


> im married and havent cheated on my wife and dont plan on it dont get me wrong i am the "toffee pimp" and damn good looking matter of fact im handsome as hell lol and get approached alot but i turn them down and its not easy cause my wife is hot but alot of girls are hott and just want u to bang them knowing ur married,but i think of 1 thing and that gets me through it............... IS THIS 1 PIECE OF GOOD ASS OR THIS MIND BLOWING BLOWJOB WORTH UR WIFE FINDING OUT AND DESTROYING UR LIFE AS U KNOW IT? and since i answer no everytime i bid adue and keep moving


 Very commandable, but what's this got to do with anything ?

The question was - why do people cheat and you come on here and give a reason why you DON'T cheat. It's like somebody asking - why do people do steroids and me giving my reason as to why I don't do them...

Or are you just taking this opportunity to brag about how many women you COULD have ?


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> if they love their wives... they cheat in order to stay with her... and try something else...
> 
> see.. the "other girl" never matters to a guy. Usually he loves his wife, which is the reason he cheats instead of just leaving her (there may be financial reasons in some cases)... he just has a "physical" desire to be with another girl... has nothing to do with love at all...
> 
> ...


 Oh yeah and if a woman cheats its because she truely loves her husband dearly. Come on give me a break


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

If you truely love your significant other very much, you would do everything in the world NOT to hurt them, that includes cheating.


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

dracofish said:


> This supports my argument of us being self-aware beings and making descisions based on the possiblities of the future...:nod:
> 
> If he were to live with the moment, he would go with the instant gratification and bang those chicks...but since he's self-aware, he considered the situation beforehand...


 No, it doesn't

It does if you see things in this black-and-white way - (commited relationship = good, seeing different people = bad). If that's what he truly wants, good for him, but often society places pressure on people to act in a certain way from our birth to the point where we ourselves become confused with what we really want. Somebody could be pressured to get married and be with one person for the rest of their life and because everyone else doing they assume that it's something they should do as well.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > if they love their wives... they cheat in order to stay with her... and try something else...
> ...


 uhhhh... you are def a child... as WE all know... MEN AND WOMEN ARE TOTALLY different... and think different...

WOW!!!


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> If you truely love your significant other very much, you would do everything in the world NOT to hurt them, that includes cheating.


 this is why men dont tell them about the affair...


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## slylie (Oct 21, 2003)

"beauty is on the inside' is a saying uttered by people ugly on the outside.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

slylie said:


> "beauty is on the inside' is a saying uttered by people ugly on the outside.


 yup


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> slylie said:
> 
> 
> > "beauty is on the inside' is a saying uttered by people ugly on the outside.
> ...


Once again I ask, how many long term relationships have you been in? And since men and women are different, it's okay for men to cheat, but not for women? Nice double standard.

And yes, the toffee pimp's story does support my argument because he was thinking about his future self, not about the instant gratification of his present self. It has nothing to do with black or white. You mean to tell me that people actually care about what society tells them they should do? C'mon if that were the case, nobody would cheat. He weighed the circumstances and came out with an answer. That's what makes being self-aware beings so individuated...they can make choices. I never said that those choices were always right or even good ones.

Coming out and replying with something like "it's only ugly people that look to what's inside" is probably the shallowest thing someone can say. There is no one rule as to what's beautiful. For example, Slylie has already expressed many times that he thinks I am ugly (even though he has never met me and despite the fact that I have changed a lot in the years that I've been on these boards), but many other men feel the opposite. My b/f, for one, finds me attractive...and apparently many other men do because he can't leave me alone for five minutes when we go out without some guy trying to pick me up. Everyone has a different perception of what's beautiful to them. Placing looks as the most important factor when looking for a soul mate usually results in living a very lonely life indeed. It may not seem that way now, but to me, never finding anyone that you can connect with on all levels is a very big thing to miss in this lifetime. Certainly if you can connect with someone that is beautiful to you, then that's great, but it shouldn't be the only consideration. Besides, finding that person generally results in them being beautiful to you no matter what they look like anyways, but you have to give them a chance at showing you that beauty first before turning them away. I'd rather have an apple that tasted good on the inside instead of one with a beautifully buffed skin that was rotten to the core. Of course, if you are just looking for scattered ass, why not go with what looks good...because you don't care about anything else, especially about the person underneath. My argument stands on marriage and long term relationships...things supposedly built on love...not casual sex. Once again, that is what makes us such individuated beings...what is ugly to one person can be the most beautiful to the next.


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

sorry, draco, I am trying to get into a lengthy argument, but to me there is no such thing as "future self" and self-awareness is simply another word for self-consiousness. Of course, people care about what society tells them they should do - some live their whole life by the script laid out for them by others whether they're aware of it or not.


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Jewelz said:


> sorry, draco, I am trying to get into a lengthy argument, but to me there is no such thing as "future self" and self-awareness is simply another word for self-consiousness. Of course, people care about what society tells them they should do - some live their whole life by the script laid out for them by others whether they're aware of it or not.


 Well, that's where our beliefs differ...


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > slylie said:
> ...


 whoa.... when did i say that?!?!?!

I just meant that men and women cheat for COMPLETELY different reasons... If you do not know that... you should not be in this conversation...!!!

what you see as "shallow" is actually truth... you just cant handle it!


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> Ms_Nattereri said:
> 
> 
> > Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> ...


 If Im definitely a child, you must be one too


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> what you see as "shallow" is actually truth... you just cant handle it!


 Maybe your "truth," not the truth of the majority of mature individuals. Like I said, taking looks as the primary consideration when looking for a soul mate (not casual sex, remember that's not part of my argument) is usually something done by immature individuals. Most people grow out of this stage, but unfortunately not all. You are still in this stage. You may wake up and realize that there's more to life...you also may not. I hope for your sake that you do, because you're missing a lot.

I shouldn't be in this conversation? You still haven't answered my question...how many long-term relationships have you been in? Rosie and the five sisters does not count...because i'm pretty sure that that's who you end up with most of the time judging from your attitude...


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## bobme (Feb 17, 2003)

ive had 3.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > what you see as "shallow" is actually truth... you just cant handle it!
> ...


 well not too many guys are looking for a "soul mate". Hence, females are the first to bring up the idea of getting married... men almost never bring it up...


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## Ms_Nattereri (Jan 11, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> dracofish said:
> 
> 
> > Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> ...


 Thats odd...last I knew it was always the guy proposing to the woman?!


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## WilliamBradley (Nov 23, 2003)

I have another question:

Why do you get married?
marriages are stupid religious useless meaningless stuff.


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## piranha45 (Apr 8, 2003)

WilliamBradley said:


> I have another question:
> 
> Why do you get married?
> marriages are stupid religious useless meaningless stuff.


 exactly


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## Fargo (Jun 8, 2004)

Ms_Nattereri said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > dracofish said:
> ...


 I know that when I was engaged, it almost seemed to be out of a sense of obligation or social responsibility. Sure the men ask, but usually the women are hinting about it all along, and nudging, until the guy has to either get married( which is opposed to his instincts) or start all over again. Men usually do want sons at some point, which will drive them to marraige. It's not that the guy doesn't love her; it's just that he can't see going the rest of his life having everything ordered according to routine. I know that there are exceptions, but I believe most men, deep down, can't stand having only one woman. And living together, . . .don't get me started.


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## Jewelz (Feb 24, 2004)

WilliamBradley said:


> I have another question:
> 
> Why do you get married?
> marriages are stupid religious useless meaningless stuff.


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> dracofish said:
> 
> 
> > Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> ...


I never said that marriage is a neccessity in having a long-term relationship. I could easily go the rest of my life with my b/f and not get married...however, there are certain perks tax-wise to being married..ya know? After all, it is just a legal piece of paper....

Some religions consider marriage to be a sacrement...mine is not one of them. In fact, "handfasting" is a common practice that is basically two couples publicly announcing their love for each other in a formal way. Many times it is not even a legal ceremony...though it can be, but it doesn't have to be.

Anyways, it's not always the woman's idea...my b/f was the first one that to ever mention that word...


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## bobme (Feb 17, 2003)

Some times your parents force it also.
also remeber that your auto insur. goes down when married.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > dracofish said:
> ...


 riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... he was the first to mention marriage?

wow...


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## thoroughbred (Mar 14, 2003)

dracofish said:


> Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:
> 
> 
> > slylie said:
> ...


 u called me the toffee pimp ,i feel complete now lol


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## dracofish (Jul 13, 2003)

Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom said:


> riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... he was the first to mention marriage?
> 
> wow...


 Yes, is it so surprising? You really don't seem to have a clue about what life is like beyond adolescence. Believe me, I know of plenty of 20+ year old adolescents, so it's not a big deal. Most eventually realize that there's more to life, but unfortunately there's the few that don't and end up missing out.


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## Rigor_mortiZ_Rhom (Dec 21, 2003)

lol... its just hard to believe... you dont have to insult...


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